Things we teach our kids (but sometimes avoid as adults)

Let’s talk about transparency. As a parent of young kiddos, I’ve had the joy of returning to a personal childhood favorite—Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood—and the many lessons shared by Fred Rodgers.

And with the re-airing of every episode, I find myself thinking about two things:

1. How can I reflect on these lessons with my kids?
2. Why are we overlooking so many of these in our adult contexts and interactions?

This happened most recently when Fred Rodgers discussed the importance of telling children what to expect.

“I like to be told. It helps me to get ready for all those things. All those things that are new. I trust you more and more each time that I’m finding those things to be true.”

Yes, this is a song for children. But also … if it’s a basic expectation for kids, why don’t we always do this in our work when designing programs, services, products, or other experiences?

It’s a serious question. I’ve been left in the dark about next steps on projects countless times. I’ve seen others opt for sharing limited information with collaborators rather than committing to full transparency. And if I’m being honest, I’ve probably done this myself in the past.

Why do we do this?

Usually, it’s one or more of the following:

• We don’t know all the details ourselves. In which case, we could just be transparent about that fact. But we might feel like we have to “know all the details” before communicating. Or maybe it’s more ego-driven and we feel like we look bad if we admit to not knowing.
• It’s a power move. One way of leveraging power against others is by withholding information. If this is happening, it’s critical to assess what’s going on. If you’re self-aware enough to acknowledge this, ask yourself: Why would I withhold information? Who does that serve? Who does that harm? What are the consequences?
• We simply forget. Which really means we haven’t prioritized others impacted by the work and the importance of sharing what they can expect.

So what?

In our relational work as designers, relationships and trust are at the center. To build trust and demonstrate respect, let people—team members, partners, co-designers, community members, and anyone impacted by the design work—know what to expect. We’ve got to make transparency a priority.

If we don’t know all the details ourselves, let’s show our humility by being honest. And if we need help figuring out next steps? Let’s seek that out, too. We’re working in community, my friends.

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